Since I was a kid I have been fascinated by the nature of
shadow. First of all, there can be no shadow without light. In fact, shadow can
be said to be the symptom or evidence of
light. For the very best shadows, you need a place that is r-e-a-l-l-y dark. My favorite as a kid was the closet underneath
the stairs. It is pitch black in there, and even kids have to scrunch down to
fit. The childhood game I played was to use a flashlight, and with just a wee bit
of your imagination, you can see the likes of rabbits and ducks and various
other creatures come to life.
As much fun as that shadow game was, shadow work as
spiritual practice has not been something I have enjoyed. One might say at
times I have been in downright resistance. I recognize the phenomenon known as “The
dark night of the soul.” I understand the value of looking at the hidden places
in our lives. I acknowledge that I have willingly been doing this, but I have
not always loved the emotional journey.
It truly is paradise here on Pine Island in South Florida,
but this is the second evening in a row that I find myself wanting to cry. I
don’t know where the emotion is coming from or even what I would name it, were
I inclined to try. The best I seem to be able to do is to honor that I am
feeling it. OK, it might be hormones since the doctor told John I might
experience menopause again. Gosh, and I was thinking I was done with that.
Perhaps that is part of the opportunity here. I can see these
emotions as evidence of a younger me!
When you have faith
that you are on the spiritual path,
then the immediate
circumstances in life are less anxiety-producing,
and relationships can
be built and also dismantled with less pain and trauma.
~ Angelic Messenger
Cards, by Meredith L. Young-Sowers
When I did some asking about the emotions, the insight had
to do with my spiritual path and service to the world and putting aside
ego-mind. All of these are ideas I agree fully with but it would be great to
have a sense of what specifically that means in my life right now. The emotions
have a vague familiarity, like the homesickness I used to experience as a kid
on overnights. All day long I would be fine, but when the sun went down I
wanted to be home. I guess it is possible I am homesick since I am away from
home. In fact, I have been away from home for almost a month and I am not due
back in Michigan until April 1.
I wonder, though, if this is more shadow work. I am thinking
it might be related to having time on my hands. When I feel sad, it would be
great to have a sense of what the thoughts or beliefs are that had been fueling
the emotions. Oh, for some people it is easy to read or watch TV or spend time
on the internet as a distraction. It is not quite as easy to sit in stillness
and let the answers find you.
I have sometimes been accused of being too serious. I have
been known to agree with that assessment, but even that is just more
condemnation of the accusation. What shines the light of day on this darkness
of my thought life? Here is a writing from Sunday January 26, 1998:
Greetings:
The
time of knowing is here. You no longer have to wait. By the knowing you come to
the work you were born to be. Do not confuse these. You can not any
longer be content to “do” the work - you must now “be” the work; my word to you
is rest. This is not a call to
unproductive lives. This is an invitation to peace, my perfect peace, while you
are engaged in all that I call you to. Do not run out ahead of me. This is what
causes you to despair. Do not delay in going when I have asked you to go.
Listen to me. Incline your ear only to my voice. Listen no longer to the insane
voices that would tell you you are a sinner or weak or lacking. Hear only the
truth. You are whole as I am whole. You are free as I am free. You are capable
as I am capable. You are because I AM. Tell all who know.
Who knew it could bring such joy, sitting in the dark… When
you join the game of life worries are able to dance on the wall as creatures
born with the soul/sole purpose of entertaining my busy mind. First make it
larger, now smaller; give it an ear; turn the light off and make it all go
away.
So here I am awake in the middle of the night. And in my
mind’s ear I am singing, “I am so blessed, I am so blessed, I am so grateful
for all that I have….” Thank you, Karen Drucker, for providing accompaniment to
tonight’s performance of “Only The Shadow Knows.”
