Darkest Before Dawn

Most entanglements are caused by vocal cords.

(seen on the sign in front of a church)

At age 93 years young, still cutting his own firewood and still using his music to inspire humanity to more human ways of being with one another, singer-songwriter Pete Seeger was recently on the Colbert Report singing "Quite Early Morning."  

So though it's darkest before the dawn
These thoughts keep us moving on
Through all this world of joy and sorrow
We still can have singing tomorrows 

Most of us have had at least some experiences of feeling overwhelmed by sorrow. Sometimes this results from challenges in our relating with others. Next time you are confronted with interpersonal conflict, just imagine you can hear Pete singing to you.

Pete's message is everywhere, such as in the words of AA co-founder, Bill W., November 1961, in Again the Crossroads: The Language of the Heart: "In the nick of time, and by God's grace, each of us has been enabled to develop a growing sense of the meaning and purpose of his own life." 

Or in this (http://gratefulness.org) Mongolian Proverb: "A heartfelt smile gives warmth enough for three winters." 

Or from Loving Reminders, by Betty Lue Lieber: "Learn to let go. Life is too short to hand onto resentments."

This may be about what Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakenings: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have, refers to as starving the ego. He is talking about "that in us which believes we can control the world." He encourages us to let the unseeable music of being rise and carry us.

I am being very affected by the reading of a book about an injured owl. Wesley became the companion of Stacey O'Brien and for 19 years the two lived intimately. She describes how he would take his powerful beak and ever-so-gently lift up her eyelid if she was sleeping later than he preferred! The book is available in paperback, and you can see an amazing little video of Stacey and Wesley at: http://www.wesleytheowl.com/. You will see Wesley snuggled up on Stacey's chest and recognize his tenderness—not exactly what one would expect from such a powerful raptor.

Nepo truly touches my heart with his understanding of our universal needs: "If those I love can't recognize me with my soul out in the open, I will no longer retreat and show what is familiar." Stacey was able to recognize the tenderness in Wesley, in spite of what she knew about owls.

Oprah Winfrey interviewed Gary Zukav, author of Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power. That interview is available free on video (see: http://bit.ly/QbvZdE). "Authentic power is when you use your personality to serve your soul.... When the personality is in full balance you can't see where it ends and where the soul begins." (The Seat of the Soul, p. 37)

Perhaps Wesley, in spite of (or possibly because of) his permanently injured wing, was able to be with Stacey with such tenderness because of an innate capacity for love all living creatures have. And perhaps the way humans learn to be with one another with the authentic power of loving kindness is to simply starve the ego and allow this unseeable music of being rise and carry us.

Second Maturity

We are gradually coming to see that the years beyond sixty five or seventy,

the years of our second maturity,

may be evolution's greatest gift to humanity.

Jean Houston

Reading an article by Jean Houston, "The Genius of Second Maturity," this week birthdays have been on my mind. It is not my birthday, but many dear friends are celebrating: one turning 70, and another turning 60. I am going to a party so I got a very funny card with a young woman with BIG hair. You may remember that look. 

Carl Jung is said to have reflected that his life would only have meaning in terms of centuries. Houston wrote: "One of the greatest capacities of second maturity is the capacity for spiritual development. Having known the breadth of existence, we now have the capacity for knowing the subtleties of the depths as well in ways that few could have known them before. No longer needing to compete, to be acceptable, likeable, and all those other things considered respectable in society, people are finally being uncaged in their elder years, free to release energies and capacities that the culture restrained in them when they were younger." 

This sense of no longer needing to be acceptable, likable, or respectable came to me in spades last Saturday morning as I was driving to join Betty Lue Lieber and Robert Waldon for a day workshop while they were in Kalamazoo, Michigan. This is a group that is generally very high conscious when it comes to food, and the workshop included a potluck lunch. The dish I had brought to contribute was peanut butter pie. Not exactly a health food, but delicious!

I arrived at the choice to bring the pie based on some tricky logistics of having just gotten home from a road trip to San Antonio, Texas, and having taught all day (13 fifteen-minute presentations on stress relief at Three Rivers Hospital) the day prior, and staying the night in Kalamazoo. 

I am guessing the conversation I had in my head about the pie was influenced by an experiential learning with Karen Drucker while in San Antonio: Taming Your Inner Critic. It went something like this, "If no one chooses to eat the pie, I am fine with that. Another person's choice is not a reflection on me, it is simply his or her freedom to choose." 

It was really quite wonderful to have this exchange within myself and to be totally in awe at the ease I was feeling about however things played out. I laugh even now realizing that Betty Lue opened with a talk about the need to honor that our path does not have to be anyone else's, it just has to be genuinely ours! I was moved to share about the peanut butter pie, and that became a symbol for all of us of the ease of respecting personal choices in our lives. 

On a much deeper level, though, what Houston calls second maturity, really is gift. It is about inner transformation. 

From the poem, Minnie Remembers, by Donna Swanson:

I remember Hank and the babies.
How else can I remember them
but together?
For out of the fumbling, awkward
attempts of new lovers
came the babies.
And, as they grew, so did our love.

And, God, Hank didn't seem to mind
if my
body thickened and faded
a little.
He still loved it and touched it.

Every piece of that peanut butter pie was enjoyed. Sometimes as the outer fades, our inner beauty shines more brightly.Thank God for that truth!

Right after I posted this, a friend received a newsletter from James Twyman with the same theme and this handy checklist. You know you are a "Golden Indigo" if...
1. You are over the age of 60.
2. You have always felt a "stirring" within your soul to heal and bless humanity.
3. That "stirring" has increased considerably over the last five to ten years.
4. You feel a tangible connection with the Indigo Children.
5. You can't keep silent any longer, but feel drawn to share your wisdom.
6. You refuse to sit back and simply "retire."
7. You felt a resolute "YES" when you first read or heard about the Golden Indigos.

Operation Smile

"Is the Universe a friendly place?"

Albert Einstein considered this question to be the most important question a person can ask. Today the only answer I can honestly give is, "YES!"

This past Monday I was in San Antonio, Texas, teaching "Out of Fear, Into Health: Anchoring as Healing Modality." Tuesday we drove 850 miles, arriving in Sikeston, Missouri, about 8:30 in the evening, Fortunately, our accommodations were acceptable because we had chosen a destination we had stayed at in 2011, but we were weary from our 14 hours drive, and we had not yet had dinner. 

I thought I remembered having enjoyed a nice meal an easy walking distance from the hotel when we had stayed there last year, but we found out I was mistaken. Disappointment, coupled with the lack of what we considered desirable choices, developed into an awkward conversation with the folks at the front desk. 

Still unsure about where we could have dinner, and both tired and hungry, while unpacking essentials for the night, we got cross with one another over where to park the vehicle, and Joel was very annoyed as he blurted out, "It's not worth arguing over!"

Feeling responsible for both of us, I dredged up the memory of a sign I saw out on the highway, searched Google on my iPhone, confirmed directions with the folks at the front desk, and we walked the half-mile to Lambert's Cafe, where the motto is, "We hope you come hungry, leave full, and hopefully have a laugh or two!"

If I had been thinking more clearly, I might have realized sooner I had been to a Lambert's Cafe in Gulf Shores, Alabama, a few years ago, but by the time we were seated, it was too late. I thought Joel might cry when he ordered a beer and was told they do not serve alcohol. Add to that, they throw hot yeast rolls at you from across the room! (See http://www.throwedrolls.com/) 

OK, I confess that I sent my daughter, Stacey, and my nephew, Chris (the one who took us to Lambert's in Alabama), a quick text message letting them know we had arrived safely in Sikeston, that we were at Lambert's Cafe, and that Joel did not have on his happy face.... 

This building was right next to the motel. 
I noticed the sign as we came back from Lambert's.

Even though we had enjoyed wonderful experiences and made great connections at the conference, the mood continued to be less than blissful the following day. We checked out, loaded up, and got on the road for another 600 miles. Less than an hour from Michigan, when we stopped to buy gas, we had another stressful communication glitch about which gas station to go to! Looking back, I can see how my snappy, "OK, just blame me for everything. It is always my fault!" was an emotional overreaction to Joel's use of active voice, coupled with the carry-over tension, and the stress of the travel. (See more about active and passive voice in the most recent "Language Tip" on the new Subtle Communication Systems website at http://scs-matters.com/the-power-of-voice/)

But, the universe is a friendly place, and life is always inviting us back into balance. We do have the opportunity time and time again to remember what is real. Just as we got back on the highway, Joel passed a semi truck advertising a charity organization that helps treat facial deformities such as cleft lips and cleft palates. A child looking much like the one above, and the name of that organization, was spelled across the whole length of that truck: 

At the exact moment we were passing the Operation Smile truck, I could also see a billboard to the left of the highway advertising some dental group: "Get your smile back." 

Today, as a way of honoring how life is working for me, I told all this to some of my colleagues in Reunion Ministry.  I also mentioned a wonderful You Tube video about a little girl having a great time loving everything about her life. I told them I would send the link if I could find it. 

When I got home from the reunion, and played the video, I noticed an ad on the screen. If you look closely, you will see that the ad is for operation smile...  

OK, God, we get it!  The universe truly is a friendly place.

Stories From My Heart

 ... something timeless and indestructible

within each of us

that can heal us and the world if

we can just open ourselves to it.

~ Mark Nepo

A dear friend was sharing about having recently read about the research into how some individuals meet crisis and trauma in life and come out resilient. Others are beaten or broken or become embittered. Our conversation reminded me of the story about carrots, eggs, and coffee beans.

 

You may have heard the story of how three

things—a carrot, an egg, and coffee beans—

respond differently to life’s challenges. After

reading this, you may never look at a cup of

coffee (or life) the same way again.

A young woman was complaining to her

mother, saying that life was too hard for her.

Facing what seemed to be an endless stream of

difficulties, she was feeling overwhelmed and

discouraged, and felt like giving up. She went to

her mother and told her about her life and how

things were so hard for her.

Her mother brought her into the kitchen where

she put three pans of water on three burners,

and turned them all on high. As the water

began to boil, in the first she placed carrots, in

the second she placed eggs, and in the last she

placed ground coffee beans. Again, letting life

teach, rather than lecturing her daughter, she let

them sit and boil, without saying a word.

After about twenty minutes or so, she turned off

the burners. She placed the carrots on a plate

next to the eggs, and she poured the coffee

into a cup. She turned to her

daughter and said simply, “Tell

me what you see.”

“I see carrots, eggs, and

coffee,” the daughter replied.

Her mother asked her to

touch the carrots and notice

that they were soft now.

She peeled an egg, showing that it was now

hard-boiled. She let her daughter take a sip of

the coffee. After her daughter asked what that

all meant, the mother wisely pointed out that

while each of these objects had faced the same

adversity—boiling water—each had reacted

differently.

The carrot had gone into the water strong, hard,

and unbending. After being subjected to the

boiling water, it became weak. The egg had

originally been fragile, with just a thin outer

shell protecting the liquid interior. After sitting

through the boiling water, the insides of the

egg had became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however.

After they were in the boiling water, they had

changed the water. The mother is said to have

asked the daughter, “Which are you?”

It is worth noticing when challenges come your

way, how have you responded? Have you been

like a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? Were you

like the carrot that seems strong, but with pain

and adversity, or illness or hardship, had you

lost your strength?

Were you like the egg that started with a soft

heart, but changed with the heat? Did you

let an unexpected death, the loss of a job, a

relationship change, or some other difficult

circumstances make you become hard-hearted

or inflexible? Had your shell looked the same,

but on the inside had you been feeling bitter?

We can all be more like the coffee bean.

The alchemy of life happens because the

bean actually changes the hot water, the very

circumstance that brings the pain. It is when the

water gets hot that the coffee bean releases the

fragrance and flavor. As you become more like

the bean, even if at times things seem to be at

their worst, those are times when you can only

get better because you change the way you

look at things and are able to change the

situation around you.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily always

have the best of everything. They just find ways

to make the most of everything that comes

along their way. The brightest future will always

be based on a past that is filled with stepping

stones rather than stumbling blocks. Letting go

of your past failures and heartaches compels you

to push forward with positive intent. Once you

let go of your disappointments, you find yourself

moving forward in life with greater confidence

and competence. Happier people are actually

smarter people.

~ Falling Together in Love: Stories From My Heart  for and about YOU

To order your copy, visit http://scs-matters.com/products2.shtml. Profound gratitude to Patty Reddy for the magical illustrations and layout!