Finding Gratitude in Help from the Other Side

“It is the best of times, it is the worst of times.”

This Thanksgiving I am aware of so many families finding gratitude amidst deep emotions: emotions related to loved ones having passed on since last year at this time. For some of us, the transition has been quite recent.

Just yesterday, our beloved Aunt Marge joined all those we love whom are now in spirit. I am remembering so many fun times with her over the years. These photos are of Marge, and her husband, Al, over the span of their years together.

All emotions are said to come from past similar events. My heart has certainly been aware of that as one of our new grand kitties we just met this week has been under the weather. Thor, and Butter (he was named Buttercup when assumed to be a girl) were orphaned when their mom died a couple weeks after they were born. Bottle fed, these sweet fur babies certainly enjoy being with humans.

Here they are with my husband on our arrival to their house on Tuesday. Thor is on his back.

Not wanting to cause alarm, but concerned that Thor's eye was red and had some discharge, Wednesday evening we called the vet. The office was closed, but Thanksgiving morning Thor was seen at the 24-hour emergency vet service.

Almost forty-five years ago, we lost a young ginger-colored kitten just a few weeks after she joined our family. It was not immediately clear to me if the concern I felt for Thor was warranted as memories of our previous loss came flooding back in spades.

Those "past similars" related to our emotions are not just limited to kittens. 

I am thankful for the competent care Thor received this morning by compassionate, skillful personal who were spending their Thanksgiving Day taking care of animals in need. I am optimistic Thor will be feeling better tomorrow. For now, I am grateful for an amazing message from Patricia Cota Robles, following the transition of her brother, Jimmy.

JIMMY’S PRESENCE

On this very special day when we are gathered together to Celebrate Jimmy’s Life, I assure you he is with us. He is flooding each of us with his Love, and he is expressing his deep Gratitude for having all of us in his life.

One of the hardest things about someone leaving as unexpectedly as Jimmy did is that we feel there are things we wanted to say to him, but now we think it is too late. The wonderful thing we are learning from people who have been through NDEs {near death experiences} is that is absolutely NOT TRUE. So let’s just take a moment and from the deepest recesses of our hearts let’s say to Jimmy anything we want to say to him on this very special day.

Please breathe in deeply and go within to the Divinity of your heart. If you feel comfortable doing so, gently close your eyes. In your mind’s eye see that beautiful big man standing before you with his wonderful smile. Now from the silence of your heart, tell him exactly what you want him to know at this time. I promise you, he will hear every single word. (Pause)

Now gently return your consciousness to the room and KNOW that communicating with Jimmy or any of your Loved Ones on the other side is just this easy.

I will do what Patricia suggests. In my mind’s eye, I will imagine Ginger Kitty helping our young Thor recover. I will think of Al welcoming Marge. 

I will breathe deeply and express Thanksgiving for all those on the other side who are sharing love with us here today.

Terrorist Attacks and Tonglen

The worst terrorist attack on a Western city since 9/11 unfolded in France on Friday, leaving the nation in a state of near-martial law.

This text message exchange with a dear friend:

K: Are you watching the news of Paris?

D: No, I just walked in the door from a session. What's going on?

K: Multiple terrorist attacks on-going. City is in lock down.

D: May all beings come to the end of suffering.

K: Pray hard. I had to stop watching. Every minute more violence is reported.

D: Do you know how to do Tonglen? I just emailed directions.

From Joan Halifax's handout on Tonglen, sent to my friend: 

(https://www.upaya.org/dox/Tonglen.pdf)

In order to give no fear, we must first learn to relate with our own suffering—our rage, helplessness, frustration, doubt, bitterness, and fear—instead of pushing it away. Gentle loving-kindness toward ourselves is what it takes to be present for our own suffering. We need to learn to stay with our own suffering without trying to change it or fix it. Only when we are able to be present for our own suffering are we able to be present for the suffering of others.

In January, 2012, I wrote about having done Tonglen after we witnessed my grandson crash his go-kart at over ninety miles per hour at Daytona. (See: Deep Gratitude.) 
 

While this is not the first blog post in which I have mentioned the practice of Tonglen, it might be the most urgent. We must look from a place within that includes suffering but that is bigger than suffering. We must look from a heart that is so big that it is open to everything, including freedom from suffering.

• Begin by breathing in whatever you are feeling—fear, agitation, anger, resistance—and accepting it. On the exhalation breathe out well-being. Clear your mind by bringing awareness to what is agitating you and breathing it in, accepting it with kindness. Then, as you exhale, give yourself some spaciousness. Do this breath practice until you are calm and alert.
• When you feel settled, begin the second stage of the practice, which is establishing a rhythm of breathing. On your inbreath imagine that you are inhaling heavy, hot air. On your outbreath visualize exhaling cool, light air. Continue with this pattern—breathing in heaviness and breathing out lightness—until it is familiar to you. The heaviness is suffering; the lightness is well-being.
• Now imagine that you are breathing through all the pores of your body. On the inbreath heavy, hot air enters every pore. On the outbreath, cool light flows from every pore.
• Now visualize a metal sheath around your heart. This metal sheath is everything about you that is difficult for you to accept: your self-importance, selfishness, self-cherishing, self-pity. It is the band of fear that hardens your heart. The practice invites you to dissolve this metal sheath and open your heart to its natural nonjudgmental state of warmth, kindness, and spaciousness. You can do this by visualizing the metal sheath breaking apart when the inbreath of suffering touches it. When the heart opens, the hot, heavy air vanishes into its vast space. What arises is natural mercy. It is this quality of unarmored heart that allows you to be with suffering and at the same time to see beneath the suffering.

We must stay present with the suffering, bringing the sweet salve of breath to the unthinkable. We can imagine the terror in Paris tonight. Because we can imagine that, we can feel it, and we do not have to add our fear to the situation. By the grace of the divine, let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me…. and you, and you, and you.

Phenomenal Retreat

Regular readers of this blog are not unfamiliar with my practice of going on silent meditation retreats, as I was blessed to do October 27-November 1. What a perfect timing for a much needed renewal on the heels of the transition of my mother-in-law on October 4, followed by the preparation for and execution of a family-run estate sale on October 22, 23, and 24 (See Musings from an Estate Sale). 

I was the guest minister at Unity on the Lakeshore (Listen to: Celebrations of Life) in Douglas on Sunday, October 25, did laundry and packed on Monday, and departed for Selma, Indiana, on Tuesday morning. 

The retreat was sponsored by Deep Spring Center for Meditation and Spiritual Inquiry. Infinite love and gratitude for the teachers: Barbara Brodsky, John Orr, and Amy Koch, as well as the loving spirit beings who provided wisdom, grace, and love. 

The retreat was held at Oakwood Retreat Center, and the language on their website is as inviting as the space itself: "Whatever your practice, path or modality, Oakwood Retreat Center is  a place you can call Home…. a sacred space filled with encouragement and permission to take that next step in the journey…. a unique venue where you may freely participate in creative and transformational work within a nurturing and supportive atmosphere."

A bit more from the website: "Oakwood Community is the current manifestation of a passion to offer the world a place where loving-kindness prevails, a place where the spirit of the womb is held safe and unconditionally present."

What would allow all human beings to live these values? Can you imagine moving in a world where every acre and every being is recognized as a sacred space filled with encouragement? Perhaps time on retreat is designed to remind us to open our eyes and ears and enjoy the beauty of this life all around us. 

My pillows (brought with me from home) were clothed in cases from mom, plus the snuggly blanket I tucked myself in with each night had also been one of her favorites. The earrings I wore the last day had been mom's as well, and on Sunday morning I shared with the group my experiences of loss and love. 

Some of the instruction was related to the importance of our learning to not cling or grasp as preparation of our final letting go—the dissolution of our physical bodies and our reemergence into the stream of divine consciousness. This morning (obviously still processing the retreat) I awoke from this dream:

I'm with several people and some sort of phenomena begins to happen. A "guide" is explaining to us how whatever we fear is coming into our life! I know immediately as we get into a vehicle, one of my fears is drowning. 

Sure enough, we are immediately plunged into water and the vehicle starts filling up. I know instinctively if I don't relax completely, I will die. I am able to relax and slow my breathing. I feel the water come all the way up my body and over my head. Instantly, the water is gone, and I'm not even wet.

In the next scene, a woman friend and I go up to the attic to spend the night to face our fear. We are lying down on a futon in the middle of the room. When we turn off the light, four heavy hands clamp down my shoulders and ankles. I try to speak to say that I'm experiencing phenomenon but I have no voice! It is terrifying, but, again I am able to calm myself and the phenomenon passes.

It was after six when I looked at the clock, so I got up. As I was sitting on the toilet recalling the details of the dream, I heard the phrase, "While you are in this life, it is all phenomena!"

May everyone everywhere remember….