While riding my bike with a couple of friends in the
Apple Cider Century we stopped by a local pumpkin patch. Scattered throughout
the yard were some creatures, and I could not resist taking a couple "selfies."
I sent this first photo to my daughter, Stacey, and she quickly
wrote back, "Scary! I don't like clowns." That is a family funny. When he was about four years old, our grandson Adam told his mom he wanted to go home (he
was visiting us in Michigan) because we have clown paintings on our kitchen
walls and they scared him. I took the paintings down and turned them against
the wall so we could go on and have a great week together!
A few weeks ago, I had the following article about fear published
in the local newspaper.
Fear
of Feeling Fear
Since
WMMT ran a news story about my work helping people overcome fears and phobias,
I have been thinking a lot about how fears and phobias relates to our faith.
In
the Christian New Testament, it is written: "There
is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do
with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John
4:18, New International Version)
In
the March 22, 2012, Psychology Today
article, "The (Only) Five Basic Fears We All Live By", Karl Albrecht,
Ph. D., writes we are all afraid of the same few things: Extinction,
Mutilation, Loss of Autonomy, Separation, and Ego-death.
The
first two are pretty self-explanatory, but it may be helpful to think a bit
more deeply about the other three. Loss of autonomy shows up anywhere our
desires are thwarted—including feeling overwhelmed, smothered, or entrapped.
Fear of separation is related to feelings not being wanted, respected, or
valued. Ego-death is experienced in our lack of
lovability, capability, and worthiness.
It
may be that we all learned a subtle habit of fearing fear when we saw others
acting out emotional avoidances: not asking for a truly deserved raise, a deeply
desired date, or a much needed hug—not being honest about what we wanted or
needed for fear we would not get it.
My father was an alcoholic.
My mother, understandably embarrassed by his drinking, had essentially no
social life, but it was not until after his death that we recognized she was
actually agoraphobic. Her social fear had been hidden behind my father's
behavior.
Community-based
fears spring up around a shared experience. In the aftermath of the bombing at
the Boston Marathon, security expert Brian Schneier was quoted in The Washington Post: “If you are scared,
they win. If you refuse to be scared, they lose.”
Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love) was quoted by Nelson Mandela: “Our
deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens
us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small
does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as
children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light
shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are
liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Just
as Susan Jeffers explains in her internationally acclaimed best-selling
classic, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, we had been unable to see our emotional reactions to
life as the "memories of" fear they really are. We may have
rationalized them, justified them, denied them, or projected them onto others,
but they were just our own memories. Fear comes from our past to rob us of the
opportunity found in each present moment.
If
you are ready to move beyond any fear habit you learned along the way, you
might enjoy reading Patty Chang Anker's book, Some Nerve: Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave.
Chapter 7 includes her overcoming the fear of moving water by surfing for the
first time in Lake Michigan off the shores of Saint Joseph. Spoiler alert: Patty
did that in 36 degree water in February!
We must all walk our talk by
letting grace allow us to live in love, not fear.
I had a lot of fun snapping photos with the scary
creatures. This one was really fun!
What makes some things scary to some people and not to
others? We know fear is a learned response. Hypnosis is known to eliminate
fears. Fortunately, we are not helpless!
