A Promise Worth Keeping

Days have flown by, filled with family fun and shared experiences. For Christmas, hand-made gifts were shared, bringing delight beyond belief. The gifts, included an aromatic rice bag for the microwave (the scent was created using herbal teas); a sugar scrub to make hands and feet soft as a baby’s butt, and a fantastic board game which included elements of some of our old favorites and created a level playing field for all participants!

Additionally, as part of our family time, we went to see Unbroken, a powerful film based on Laura Hillenbrand’s biography of an Olympic runner, turned war hero. A true story, the violence in this film activates a sense of shared humanity rather than separation. I was willing to go see it a second time….  

The real-life hero, Louis Zamperini, died this past July, but after seeing this film, I can expect that his spirit will continue to bless our planet for all eternity. He ended up going to Tokyo as a POW, rather than to compete there in the Olympics as he had hoped. After their plane crashed several hundred miles from Oahu, Hawaii, surrounded by sharks, shot at by Japanese runners from above, and without food or water, it is nothing short of miraculous that they survived.

The details of his story I find most touching take place where the film leaves off—after this amazing man returned home from the war. 

As some still argue the question of nature or nurture, none will argue the absolute inspiration that comes from this incredible human life. Plagued by night terrors of his ordeal, his wife insisted he go hear Evangelist Billy Graham speak. He never had the nightmares again. 

 

Louie Zamperini made good on the promise he made to God during those 47 days he spent drifting in the ocean before being captured by the Japanese: “If you get me out of this alive, I will serve you for the rest of my life.” 

Fortunately, most of us will never have such dire conditions in which to make such significant a choice....

Be Present

It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words: certainly true about this revised holiday to-do list. Your priorities are set straight with such simple shifts of awareness. The first one (Be Present) reminds me of our relationship with our grandchildren. They do not expect presents from us. EVER. They see us as grandparents for whom presence is the priority. 

Sending peace certainly is appropriate right now. The news is filled with opportunities. 

This year, putting people first seems especially significant as so many are in so much pain. Some are experiencing serious illness, others have lost loved ones. One of my nephews is in prison; another is gradually putting his life back together by getting sober.

Most days my heart feels like it is breaking open. Everywhere I look I see treasures. Some of those treasures are material: a safe home, a beautiful new office space that I share with my sister, and a new bed! More meaningful than words are the relationships with family, friends, my spiritual community, and co-workers. 

A special friend said she realized if her life were to end right now, she would know she had experienced a wonderful life. I think you understand that feeling. She went on to tearfully say she is not ready to die, and as a cancer survivor, she is now living her life more fully. 

Each day, it is good to remember, thing nothing lasts forever. Not buildings nor bodies. Perhaps the precious, sacred, temporary nature of everything is what allows you to value it all as gift. Makes me want to wrap my beloved in a hug. 

May all beings find peace. Especially now....

Today

Today I am aware I am here

May I be here

May I be aware

May I make today worth living

Tomorrow may bring unwanted changes

Or dreams come true

One thing is certain, though,

Our world is blessed by YOU

Today

Special Memories

You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories.

~ Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

Cleaning out my cupboard where I keep scarves and jewelry was the way I spent a few hours this afternoon. I slowly turned a pair of clip-on earrings and a broach that belonged to my mom over and over in my hand before getting a thin piece of sticky paper and writing her name on them. At some point, I will not be here and I wanted to be sure someone would know these items had been hers, and thus meant a lot to me. 

A classic mood ring from the 80's was ceremoniously slipped onto my little finger as I continued sorting and organizing. I let my mind drift back through my yesteryears. Yes, memories are connected to our things, but it is not the things that really matter. That lesson came vividly to my mind a few days ago when I received a call from a woman who had lost her wedding rings and wondered if hypnosis might help her find them. As we talked about possible outcomes, she agreed that the rings are symbolic of what she values: the love and connection with her husband. 

Matthew 6:19 (Christian New Testament) addresses the difference between the things and what has real value: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal." The love and connection cannot be stolen or lost. Those are still there, wherever her rings are!

The rune symbols on this special pair of earrings gifted to me by my business partner, Joel, spoke clearly to my heart. I remembered how runic alphabets were commonly used in Germanic languages before the Latin alphabet was adopted. Today, rune stones are used as a form of divination. Asking a question and letting the symbolism answer can allow you to gain significant insight. Many of my journal entries over the past years as Joel and I wrote and taught and worked diligently to serve humanity together have included a rune drawing.

This friendship bracelet was a gift to me from my childhood friend (Connie Churchill) for my twelfth birthday. Even though 1962 was a very long time ago, and I do not wear them now, the bracelet, mood ring, and rune earrings are all nestled carefully back into the old wooden jewelry box my dad gave me for Christmas when I was a child. 

Each of these items is highly symbolic of valuable love and connections. 

For that love and those connections, I remain deeply grateful…. 

You can tell by the bright blue of my mood ring!

Finding Joy in the Journey

"It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful."

I heard this pithy quotation attributed to Brené Brown, but it actually came from Gratefulfness, The Heart of Prayer by Brother David Steindl-Rast, and it is part of a larger commentary:

Ordinary happiness depends on happenstance.

Joy is that extraordinary happiness that is independent of what happens to us.

Good luck can make us happy, but it cannot give us lasting joy.The root of joy is gratefulness. We tend to misunderstand the link between joy and gratefulness. We notice that joyful people are grateful and suppose that they are grateful for their joy. 

But the reverse is true: their joy springs from gratefulness. If one has all the good luck in the world, but takes it for granted, it will not give one joy. Yet even bad luck will give joy to those who manage to be grateful for it.

We hold the key to lasting happiness in our own hands. For it is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.

My mind goes immediately to a remarkable woman I know who has been on a marathon journey through cancer for close to a year now. Following an almost unbelievable surgical procedure in August, she has met one complication after another. 

Sometimes it feels as though I am holding my breath waiting to hear an update from her. 

When her updates come—along with the candid reports of the hurdles—I can hear her fears and frustrations and her hopes and dreams, but I also hear gratitude. Her heart has been broken open widely enough that her heart holds everything.

Her heart holds her desire to be there to see her daughter grow up. 

Her open heart is the container for the things that used to seem so significant. 

And joy is there in her heart, too; a product of her gratefulness.  

From her most recent post: "On the positive side, I saw a cardiologist today. I had an echo-cardiogram done last week and it seems as though the pericardial effusion has now gone away. (That was the water around my heart). So that is good news. The cardiologist said if cancer was causing the effusions it would still be there. He believes it was the emboli in my lungs and now that they are under control, the effusion disappeared. I’ll take any win I can get!"

Woven within the pain and uncertainty of her human frailty is genuine gratitude for the love that is extended to her. Love comes from friends, family, co-workers. Most wondrously, love also flows freely from unnumbered strangers on prayer lists who do not even know her name or what city or state she lives in. 

As I join that unending circle of love encircling her and all others who are navigating the turbulent waters of the human experience, I am reminded again to never underestimate the benefits of gratitude….

It's OK

Life literally hangs by a breath.

Breathe in.

After exhaling, consider the possibility that you might not be able to inhale again.

When breath no longer enters your body,

then your life span has ended, and you will die.

Say to yourself, "This life is fragile and completely dependent on my breath."

From Being with Dying:

Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death

by Joan Halifax

Well, she has worked very hard this past week, and we now have her Celebration of Life ceremony written. (See my previous post: Enjoy Your Journey.) She considers this her opportunity to get in the last word. I love her sense of humor, and I am deeply honored to have been invited into the intimate spaces of her heart and mind. I, too, feel a sense of satisfaction with our co-creation. Now we wait, knowing that for each of us life literally hangs by a breath.

Since I have been visiting in her home with her, I now ask for dog biscuits at the drive-in window at the credit union. These treats are for her loyal four-legged friend. I am welcomed with a bark and an immediate expectancy of a treat. I think she welcomes me that way, too…. 

Baby boomers are now approaching end-of-life, and, as this bulge in human history we have the opportunity to shape the culture we were born into. Is it possible we can cultivate compassion and fearlessness in the presence of death? Perhaps it is not only possible, but also our destiny and our most sacred opportunity. 

Conscious dying is the phrase most commonly used today. An essential element in conscious dying is learning to consciously live, and the earlier the better, but it is never too late to learn the truth that it's OK.

You can listen online to the complete Death A 5-Part Series on Wisconsin Public Radio. Here is an excerpt from part three, Death-The Last Moment:

The hospice doctors, nurses, and social workers asked him if he was afraid of death. He always said no; he was not afraid of death. It occurred to me that was not the right question.

I asked him, "Are you afraid of death?"

"No," he responded. 

"Are you afraid of dying?" I asked. 

"Yes," he whispered. 

"What are you afraid of?" I continued.

"The unknown… the pain," he stammered. 

Steven Spiro, Buddhist chaplain and advocate of conscious dying, shares information on conscious dying and encourages us to imagine our own death in detail: where would you like to die; who would you want with you; who don't you want to be there. I would add the phrase from Imagine Healing: Although it won't happen exactly as you imagine it....

Spiro suggests we can make peace and practice conscious dying with the help of the phrases from Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living, by Ira Byrock, M.D. 

"Please forgive me."

"I forgive you."

"Thank you."

"I love you."

Spiro wisely adds a fifth: "It's OK." 

I breathe in and I think of the unknown facing me and all those I love. I breathe out and I think of the unknown facing her and all those she loves.

It's OK. I have another serving of dog biscuits ready....