A Candle for Lizzie

From The Book of Awakening, by Mark Nepo (December 3)

It reminds me of a dream I had when ill, in which I came to the edge of a forest where the narrow, lighted spaces called to me. I stood there through many opportunities until an ageless woman of great resolve appeared, saying, "You can't start, I know, and if I were kind, I see you halfway in, but I am  more than kind. You must enter alone. I will meet you on the other side."

Now that I am somewhat on the other side of the recent healing crisis that resulted in my surgery on November 26, and the complications that followed, and am now full-time on the roller-coaster ride of recovery, those bright spots of divine connections are fading fast.

I wonder how significant it really is that I am using breathingwell.com.au, a program for functional breathing by Roger Price—"Price" being my mother's maiden name. I question how relevant it is that BX Protocol (heal even late stage cancer at the cellular level) has been and is being researched by Dr. Duane Smith—"Smith" being my maiden name.

It is as though the many, many, many precious moments of "Synchro destiny" are now tumbled in my loss of routine, lack of energy, and the new normal of focus on medicine and discomfort and healing within and without. 

For now, I am seeing dim images—and in moments of the greatest emotions of weakness, pain, and discouragement—I have briefly even wondered how real they are. 

However, I am thankful I had witnesses along the road. I remember going to my post-surgical check up and at the exact moment  I was showing Nancy the photo of one of the angels who took care of me, we were hearing a nurse come into the waiting room to announce the name of a patient with the same name: Elizabeth. We looked at each other in the way those of us do when we know we are seeing the fabric of the universe unfolding around us. Just knowing that helps me keep the faith. Oh, by the way, nurse Elizabeth goes by, Lizzie.

A part of my intestines had trouble waking up. The parts that were awake have been vigorously jumping up-and-down trying to move things through. The result has been wildly chaotic and truly painful. I am wondering now if this is what our planet might be going through right now.

It occurs to me that those who are awake might have been causing as much turbulence for the one we are, as those who were yet asleep.  

Today, I find myself wishing I could just take a nap, wake up, and find myself home in this body and on the planet. It would be a great day to bake cookies, or wrap presents, or meet a friend for lunch.

Today I hold my dear friend, Carol, in thoughts and prayers. If you will, join me in prayers and thoughts for Carol and her young daughter Lizzie. Lizzie, born in 1985... Lizzie, married just a couple of months ago...

Lizzie, who has experienced liver failure thought to be the result of active alcoholism. Lizzie, who has now experienced kidney failure due to the liver failure.

Carol writes that the family is experiencing much healing as they gather around their beloved Lizzie. They are exploring Palliative care options now.

Today I focus on beads 4, 5, and 6 from the Daily Recollection prayer by Barbara Brodsky. I focus my consciousness for Lizzie and for me and for all sentient beings as I use my prayer beads:

Buddha is also the awakened nature inherent in all things. Awakened nature is within me; my mind is the true Buddha. This Buddha mind is inherently free and already liberated. To know this awakened nature and live the awakened life is the balance to which I aspire. Awakened nature is present everywhere. Resting there, all karma is released, yet my mind and body are still accountable.

There is something quite terrifying when the vehicle we are currently traveling in seems to not be working. In this world, having normal bowel and bladder processes seems like such a miraculous gift. I am suddenly reminded of the words sent to Carol by Pete Wehle, "Today is! Don't worry about tomorrow because tomorrow never is! Today is!"

Pete should know. He is a heart recipient. You can read (and gift) the amazing story of his journey of healing in For Pete’s Sake: Going Through Hell andComing Out Whole, written by his wife, Pamela Chappell.

I hold the intention of the liquids I drink being able to go in and come out with ease. I ask my intestines to work in harmony to draw out the nutrients from the free-range eggs I scrambled and ate, and to excrete the toxins easily through my stools. Today, my goal is simple: to be able to have the energy to get in and out of the shower and put my clothes and to remember love is eternal. I light a candle for Carol and her beloved Lizzie and all else falls away....