While many of us are somewhat aware that anniversary energies
affect us, I am coming to respect this phenomena with a deeper reverence as
pure gift. Twenty years ago today (May 7, 1992) my dad died. I was at home that
morning and the phone rang. It was my mom. She said, “I think your dad is dead.”
I remember a nervous laugh as I responded to her statement with a question, “What
do you mean, you think he is dead?
That should be pretty easy to determine.” Mom went on to say that my dad had
gone out to rototill the garden, and he had parked his truck along the edge of
the garden so he could do a row and then sit and rest. When mom looked out she
saw him slumped over the steering wheel and she called me.
Mom had already called 911. I told her I was on my way and
for her to not let them take him until I got there. I hung up, jumped into the
car, and called my sister, Janis. She said, “Pick me up….I am going with you.”
She worked right on the way. I called my mom back (I had a bag phone at that
time so you know a lot has changed in twenty years). Janis kept her on the
phone, so we knew before we arrived that the paramedics were there working on
dad.
As I am revisiting those memories today, I am also aware
how the conscious awareness of this day is a ritual of healing past, present,
and future. I wrote about all of this in The
Endless Path: A Grief Journey with Jackie Donohoe. If you would like a copy
of the draft (not yet available for sale) send an email message to debra@scs-matters.com.
Becoming sensitive to the impact of how your
body remembers will insure your avoiding a negative experience of letting an
anniversary slip up on you. Birthday, anniversary, and holiday times are pretty
obvious. The specific day of the week, month of the year—even the date (for
example, every seventh of the month)—can leave one feeling low. Seasonal
changes and weather conditions such as a snowstorm or a sunny day can trigger
the emotions. You may benefit by planning a ritual of honoring by doing
something for yourself or enjoying something that was special to your loved
one.
In all instances expand your
awareness, and let your healing be a profound gift.
My dad knew he was having heart trouble. Thankfully, my dad
was not afraid to die. He had told me previously if it killed him to do
something at least he would have died happy. I can see the wisdom in his
knowing that if he could not do what he loved, he was, in a real sense, already
dead. He loved his garden and he took
the risk to do what he loved.
I still remember that lifetime in those few moments on
the ground with the paramedics working on my dad. Janis flew into them like a banty
rooster, pulling at their hands and yelling at them to leave her dad alone. I
recall her actions stopping abruptly when her eyes met the pleading look and
the quiet words of one of the guys, “Don’t you realize I would stop if I were
allowed to? I cannot stop.”
I began to just coach my dad, telling him, “Daddy, don’t
let them bring you back! Whatever they do, you stay right where you are!” As
they loaded dad into the ambulance, they were unable to keep me from crawling
right in there with them. The whole trip, my coaching continued, sometimes
right out loud, and sometimes in my heart and to his mind.
Dad was pronounced dead at the arrival. I hope I thanked
them for letting me stay with him on the drive. Those two guys, doing what they
were paid to do, may not be aware of the anniversary energies around this date,
but I am quite sure they were affected by our time together. A bit more from An Endless Path:
In The Global Soul: Jet Lag, Shopping Malls, and the Search for a Home, author
Pico Iyer quotes Huston Smith, “"Daily the world grows smaller, leaving
understanding the only place where peace can find a home." Regardless of
where you have been in your experience of life, life after death, life after
life, and the grief journey, you are likely to begin to integrate beliefs that
had previously seemed quite foreign and to develop new understanding. NBC’s
popular series, “Medium,” brings home communications received by a real life
psychic forensic, Allison DuBois. For more information, you may wish to check
out Allison’s book, We Are Their Heaven:
Why the Dead Never Leave Us.
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| Howard Clarence Smith (Photo by David Summers, Howard's first grandchild.) |
A lot has changed over the twenty years. I now have an
iPhone 4S and today I can say, “Siri, please call Janis mobile.” Yet, with all
the changes, and with all the years, and honoring all of the anniversary
energies, one thing remains constant—a father’s love.
I love you, too, Daddy!
