We could hold my husband
responsible for the rest of the story
that is the basis for this blog entry, because he is the one who bought a go kart
for the kids when our grandson, Adam, was only about four, but the truth is Adam
was born loving to drive. As a toddler, he would sit on anyone’s lap and grab
the steering wheel with glee, even though he was not going anywhere. Adam’s
legs were too short for him to reach the pedals on that first go kart, so his
dad put a block on the accelerator.
Adam loved to get his Grandpa into
the kart and drive full throttle. John
would feign terror and Adam would laugh so hard he was falling over as he
circled their house round and round as fast as they could go.
Adam had only one speed—full throttle.
And full throttle is what Adam was
driving the last race of the event there at Daytona International Raceway in
Daytona, Florida. It was Friday, December 30, 2011, about one-third into the
race. He was drafting in a group of four drivers, going over ninety miles per
hour, when the guy right in front of him hit the brakes a bit early going into
a turn. In an instant, Adam had to decide to either rear-end that kart or hit his brakes.
It is now five days after the event, but when I saw the
video of the crash for the first time today, I am still totally overcome with deep
gratitude.
That turn was right in front of
the stands where we were standing to view the race. Hearing his tires squealing,
seeing his kart hitting the wall before sailing backwards, and then seeing him
in the kart as it rolled over and over still seems surreal to me, but oh, my, how
much worse the outcome might have been.
 |
| Adam and his go kart getting picked up at race end! |
Deep gratitude is the only way to
describe those moments immediately following as we watched him climb from the
wreckage. Deep gratitude that he was on his feet. Deep gratitude that no other driver
hit his kart as it was there on the track. Deep gratitude that he suffered only
minor injuries. And deep gratitude that he was able to talk about it…
I was immediately called to the tonglen
meditation I have been practicing. If you are curious about the practice, you
can read about it online.
What I remember most was the immediate thought to get over myself and to
breathe in any embarrassment, frustration, shock, and pain Adam was feeling.
Then I thought about his grandpa, his mom, Doug (his step-dad and racing partner), his older brother, and his younger sister. We were all there and we had all seen the crash.
I let myself feel my own pain. What if Adam had been permanently or severely injured, or even
killed? Then I thought about families whose loved one did not survive. And I let myself feel the pain that
others have felt. How does one find a sense of gratitude again?
At other times in my life I might
have thought I have some sort of advice to offer. That is not the case at this
moment. At this moment, I know nothing other than deep gratitude.
