Sometimes awkward experiences yield valuable insights.
That certainly was the case when a young woman (upset about her older brother’s
attitude toward her) blurted out, “He does not deserve my kindness!”
My response may have not meant much to this young woman
at the moment, but it meant the world to me. I told her simply: “YOU deserve
your kindness.”
Most of us are familiar with the saying about resentment
being like our eating rat poison, expecting the rat to die. Instantly, I
was witness to how her hateful response to his treatment of her was toxic to her. In fact, I am quite sure at the time he was
not even aware she was upset.
It reminded me of Richard Bandler’s teaching that the
best way to help a poor person is to not be one.
Her brother had not shown her kindness. He reacted to
something she had done with impatience—and rather than ask her respectfully to take care of things, his tone of voice was
disrespectful. By returning his unkindness with more unkindness, neither was
experiencing the respect both essentially would have preferred.
When might the effects of her kindness be seen? Perhaps her brother
will never learn the value of treating her with kindness, or maybe it will be a
long time from now before he sees the value of his treating others with greater kindness. But, this young woman could have
experienced kindness instantly by
following Mahatma Gandhi's suggestion: “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
What might have changed with her ability to meet her
brother’s unkindness with kindness? For sure, she would have changed.
