I am listening to Jon Kabat-Zinn talking about the
difference between thinking and awareness. The gift in listening is that it has
turned off the fears of dying, and the preoccupation that there might be
something wrong with me. I can point to the "facts" connected to my
concerns, such as that my right abdomen is very bloated (an ongoing symptom I
have had following the hysterectomy I had in November 2012), and the
observation I have had for a few months that my right breast is lower than my
left.
My mom was terrified by life. Admittedly, I learned fear
there. Perhaps Mother's Day is a perfect time for me to forgive her for
teaching me fear by taking responsibility for who I am now as an adult. I can
begin by integrating what I know about thinking and awareness: the difference
between that which flows through the mind—in terms of thoughts, feelings, and
emotions—and that which is aware of these things.
Jon said the Buddha said all of his teachings can be
condensed down to one sentence, "Nothing is to be clung to as I, Me, or
Mine." Mindfulness is not about
suppressing your thinking, it is about not self-identifying with those
thoughts, feelings, and emotions that flow through your mind.
"When not examined in the larger field of awareness,
thinking can run amok." Our thoughts, feelings, and emotions can make us
miserable. It is not my mother's thoughts of fear around her life that are
causing me distress today; my distress comes from my identifying with her thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
I value the use of metaphor, symbolism, and story to help get a person out of primitive brain (fight or flight response) and to get into the relaxation response. A great free online source is available at Lightworker.com
and I chose to use the Inner Child Cards:
What is
real about my fear something is wrong with me physically (abdomen bulging and
right breast sagging)?
Eight
of Swords The children in the Eight of Swords card are walking, through a cave or labyrinth that represents a soul journey into unknown territories. A labyrinth often has one winding path that leads towards an ultimate goal. It is often used in initiatic procedures. When deep transformation occurs, we are often guided into the secret places of our minds in order to resolve old karmic patterns and subliminal fears. Oriental mystics say that the true self resides in the cave of he heart. We must go there to restore our wisdom.
The spider represents the enigma of the web, which weaves in and out of itself. Our minds are similar. We reshape and recreate our thoughts continuously. The snake, coiled in a figure eight-the symbol of infinity-is the psychic power and life force within. This snake reminds us of the ancient kundalini energy wisdom that travels up and own our spines, and has been likened to a fiery dragon , sleeping within the root chakra. The ability to readapt in life situations is essential if we are to successfully respond to the calling for change and maturation.
You may feel that this is a trying time in your life. Put worries aside, for you are entering a sacred journey. Overcoming fear is possible if you are willing to confront its deceptive face. Perhaps you are not honoring this time of initiation. The way to do so is to illuminate the deep fears that block your life and be ready to come to terms with their potent meanings. This is a unique opportunity to clean the house of your psyche. There is always light at the end of a tunnel.
And a general question: What is real about death?
Ace
of Crystals In northern folklore and legend, a belief exists that during the winter months when the Earth is silent and asleep, under her blanket of snow the gnomes are busy weaving crystals from the light of the Moon, Sun, and stars. When the rebirth of springtime arrives, the gnomes offer these precious gems to the sky, and through the gentle rain of springtime, magnificent rainbows are created.
The hardworking gnome in this card has uncovered a beautiful crystal for you. The time has come for you to accept the promise of hope, unity, and abundance that this crystal brings. The rainbow in the sky is a bridge uniting heaven and Earth and representing the harmony of all people. The Chinese called the rainbow the t'ai chi, or "Great Ultimate," uniting yin and yang.
When the Ace of Crystals appears in your reading, great potential is being uncovered and tremendous possibilities are present in your life, for this card depicts a dynamic rebirth on the physical level. You may be birthing something magical, be it a baby, a business, a book, a relationship, or a new phase of self-expression. You are blessed by the presence of the glorious crystal brought to you by this humble gnome. An ace in any suit says, "Yes!" Begin anew. Many ideas and dreams that have been hidden for years are now revealed. Join the light of a new day. Blessed be.
