Truly Meaningful Gifts

The idea of meaningful gifts has been on my mind and in my heart for a good long while. December 13, 2015, I shared a talk about the subject when I was guest speaker at Pilgrim Congregational Church. As usual, none of my pre-thinking did anything to inoculate me from enough tears to sink a battleship over the exchange of v-e-r-y meaningful gifts with family on Christmas day.

I love that our daughter and her kids draw names and make hand-crafted gifts. Witnessing this exchange has been such a joy in the past, last Christmas we decided to get in on the fun this year. A few of the truly remarkable gifts from this year included: arm-knitted infinity scarfs; a metal American flag; personalized bulletin board; a kitchen herb garden; colorful crayon art; and a year of monthly snacks! 

For six-weeks this past summer I attended Write2TheEnd focused on learning self-publishing skills. I was combining skill development with the creation of my gift for grandson, Bradley—a book of memories!

Beyond my wildest imagination, Bradley was at the same time creating an audio of words of love and affirmation from family and friends he put over special relaxation music, including some by my dear friend Pamela Chappell.

I loved each contribution, and I love every one of you who helped make this very meaningful gift. I hope you will enjoy Grandson Adam's words (based on the second "M" in G-A-M-M-I-E):

My Gammie, My Grandmother, My Hero, My Role Model, My Go-To, My Advice Giver, My Friend, My Family, My Guardian, My Laughter, My Fat Camp Instructor, My World Traveler, My Picture Taker, My Massage Therapist, My Healing Touch, My Counselor, My Helping Hand, My Sous Chef, My Cinnamon Toast Maker, My Supporter, My Biggest Fan, My Moon, My Red Balloon, My Minister, My Mentor, My Author, My One and Only Gammie.

OK, I admit I cried so hard my eyes hurt as I opened my heart and let the love flow in. Fortunately, we recognize how cathartic tears can be.Thank you, everyone, for giving and receiving truly meaningful gifts!

(You might appreciate knowing Bradley and I giving these gifts to one another this year was a total "God-thing." I did not draw Brad's name, nor did he draw mine! We each ended up with the others name because two other family members initiated a trade. The  resulting in our having this magical opportunity to express our deepest love for one another.) 

10-Year Itch

OMG - I just finished listening to Marie Forleo's interview with Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love. In the interview, Gilbert is talking about Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. As a writer, I want to steal so many of her lines, but as a human being with a past littered with broken dreams, and crippled by feelings of failure, I want to curl up in her message and suck my thumb.

Ten years ago this month, we closed the doors at the Holistic Alliance. I knew letting that dream of a holistic center here in my home town of Saint Joseph, Michigan, go had been horribly painful, but I realized listening to Elizabeth that I had let what she calls the "murderer of all good things" stop me in my tracks: perfectionism. 

Gilbert called perfectionism a serial killer, saying it goes around killing joy, spontaneity, wonder, grace, and humility. She said perfectionism is fear in high-heeled shoes….

I wonder what I would have written had I been blogging at that time of my life. Something therapeutic occurs when you put your innermost tender parts out there for the world to witness.

It is much different to suck your thumb in public.

After listening to the interview, I asked Joel (Joel Bowman is the co-creator of Subtle Communication Systems) if Big Magic had helped him forgive us for not having our dreams for SCS come true. His reply was somewhat sobering: "I never had a sense of blame for SCS. My blame is more for things I haven't tried, or perhaps what we haven't tried, rather than things we did that didn't succeed." 

Gilbert said all love eventually becomes help and quoted her own mother's advice: "Done is better than good." 

Today, with Big Magic, I am more courageous about looking back. The dream of weaving together the threads of body, mind, and spirit is still alive in my heart—and every day you can look around in the world and see how much progress has been made. Fortunately, hearts only break in one direction: open. 

My heart is more open to celebrating each and every one of the many who came through the doors at 100 Church Street and found something meaningful there. I am thinking about those who studied energy medicine and the power of language with Joel and me. I love you all.

I vow to let my heart once again have wings and I am willing to stand tall and dance again with inspiration. Lets see what comes from that in the coming year. And so it is...

Sunset of Life

Time is such an odd commodity. Some moments seem like days, and some years seem like moments. Without a doubt, my heart is tender right now with the passing of so many of late. 

This morning, I posted a controversial commercial on Facebook about an elder man who faked his death to get his family all together for Christmas. You can take a look and decide for yourself if you think it extreme, cruel, or crazy, but making time to be with those you care about is none of these—it is vital.

This month a term insurance policy I have had for over a decade has ended and the cost of the coverage has skyrocketed. I remember thinking last year, "If I am going to die soon, let it be while we have this policy in force." Now, looking at the options, determining if it makes sense to pay this higher rate to keep the coverage, I said, "We know for sure we will collect at some point. Let's pay the premium." 

I am not depressed in the face of all of the recent losses. If anything, the losses have allowed me to be more aware of the gift of each moment. The taste of my favorite tea, crawling into a warm bed, the smell of a busy kitchen—these each feel like precious opportunities given for me to savor. 

If we were looking at chakra development, you might say we are intimately aware of the seventh chakra: the Crown. In, Anatomy of the Spirit, Caroline Myss writes: “Live in the Present Moment." Myss says this is the chakra of the spirit: extreme unction, Keter. We need to be open and attentive to the constant guidance we receive each day.

Rabbi Moshe Cordovero, in The Palm Tree of Devorah, writes: "One's thoughts should be pure, one's forehead should display no harshness, one's ears should always turn to hear good, one's eyes should distance themselves from noticing evil, always looking at the good, one's nose should be free from the breath of anger, one's face should always shine, and his mouth should express nothing except good."

When is this guidance not appropriate? Goodness, it seems we want to honor this energy every day of our lives. Of course, it may take facing the sunset of life to remember how important letting our face shine each day of our lives actually is….

Finding Gratitude in Help from the Other Side

“It is the best of times, it is the worst of times.”

This Thanksgiving I am aware of so many families finding gratitude amidst deep emotions: emotions related to loved ones having passed on since last year at this time. For some of us, the transition has been quite recent.

Just yesterday, our beloved Aunt Marge joined all those we love whom are now in spirit. I am remembering so many fun times with her over the years. These photos are of Marge, and her husband, Al, over the span of their years together.

All emotions are said to come from past similar events. My heart has certainly been aware of that as one of our new grand kitties we just met this week has been under the weather. Thor, and Butter (he was named Buttercup when assumed to be a girl) were orphaned when their mom died a couple weeks after they were born. Bottle fed, these sweet fur babies certainly enjoy being with humans.

Here they are with my husband on our arrival to their house on Tuesday. Thor is on his back.

Not wanting to cause alarm, but concerned that Thor's eye was red and had some discharge, Wednesday evening we called the vet. The office was closed, but Thanksgiving morning Thor was seen at the 24-hour emergency vet service.

Almost forty-five years ago, we lost a young ginger-colored kitten just a few weeks after she joined our family. It was not immediately clear to me if the concern I felt for Thor was warranted as memories of our previous loss came flooding back in spades.

Those "past similars" related to our emotions are not just limited to kittens. 

I am thankful for the competent care Thor received this morning by compassionate, skillful personal who were spending their Thanksgiving Day taking care of animals in need. I am optimistic Thor will be feeling better tomorrow. For now, I am grateful for an amazing message from Patricia Cota Robles, following the transition of her brother, Jimmy.

JIMMY’S PRESENCE

On this very special day when we are gathered together to Celebrate Jimmy’s Life, I assure you he is with us. He is flooding each of us with his Love, and he is expressing his deep Gratitude for having all of us in his life.

One of the hardest things about someone leaving as unexpectedly as Jimmy did is that we feel there are things we wanted to say to him, but now we think it is too late. The wonderful thing we are learning from people who have been through NDEs {near death experiences} is that is absolutely NOT TRUE. So let’s just take a moment and from the deepest recesses of our hearts let’s say to Jimmy anything we want to say to him on this very special day.

Please breathe in deeply and go within to the Divinity of your heart. If you feel comfortable doing so, gently close your eyes. In your mind’s eye see that beautiful big man standing before you with his wonderful smile. Now from the silence of your heart, tell him exactly what you want him to know at this time. I promise you, he will hear every single word. (Pause)

Now gently return your consciousness to the room and KNOW that communicating with Jimmy or any of your Loved Ones on the other side is just this easy.

I will do what Patricia suggests. In my mind’s eye, I will imagine Ginger Kitty helping our young Thor recover. I will think of Al welcoming Marge. 

I will breathe deeply and express Thanksgiving for all those on the other side who are sharing love with us here today.

Terrorist Attacks and Tonglen

The worst terrorist attack on a Western city since 9/11 unfolded in France on Friday, leaving the nation in a state of near-martial law.

This text message exchange with a dear friend:

K: Are you watching the news of Paris?

D: No, I just walked in the door from a session. What's going on?

K: Multiple terrorist attacks on-going. City is in lock down.

D: May all beings come to the end of suffering.

K: Pray hard. I had to stop watching. Every minute more violence is reported.

D: Do you know how to do Tonglen? I just emailed directions.

From Joan Halifax's handout on Tonglen, sent to my friend: 

(https://www.upaya.org/dox/Tonglen.pdf)

In order to give no fear, we must first learn to relate with our own suffering—our rage, helplessness, frustration, doubt, bitterness, and fear—instead of pushing it away. Gentle loving-kindness toward ourselves is what it takes to be present for our own suffering. We need to learn to stay with our own suffering without trying to change it or fix it. Only when we are able to be present for our own suffering are we able to be present for the suffering of others.

In January, 2012, I wrote about having done Tonglen after we witnessed my grandson crash his go-kart at over ninety miles per hour at Daytona. (See: Deep Gratitude.) 
 

While this is not the first blog post in which I have mentioned the practice of Tonglen, it might be the most urgent. We must look from a place within that includes suffering but that is bigger than suffering. We must look from a heart that is so big that it is open to everything, including freedom from suffering.

• Begin by breathing in whatever you are feeling—fear, agitation, anger, resistance—and accepting it. On the exhalation breathe out well-being. Clear your mind by bringing awareness to what is agitating you and breathing it in, accepting it with kindness. Then, as you exhale, give yourself some spaciousness. Do this breath practice until you are calm and alert.
• When you feel settled, begin the second stage of the practice, which is establishing a rhythm of breathing. On your inbreath imagine that you are inhaling heavy, hot air. On your outbreath visualize exhaling cool, light air. Continue with this pattern—breathing in heaviness and breathing out lightness—until it is familiar to you. The heaviness is suffering; the lightness is well-being.
• Now imagine that you are breathing through all the pores of your body. On the inbreath heavy, hot air enters every pore. On the outbreath, cool light flows from every pore.
• Now visualize a metal sheath around your heart. This metal sheath is everything about you that is difficult for you to accept: your self-importance, selfishness, self-cherishing, self-pity. It is the band of fear that hardens your heart. The practice invites you to dissolve this metal sheath and open your heart to its natural nonjudgmental state of warmth, kindness, and spaciousness. You can do this by visualizing the metal sheath breaking apart when the inbreath of suffering touches it. When the heart opens, the hot, heavy air vanishes into its vast space. What arises is natural mercy. It is this quality of unarmored heart that allows you to be with suffering and at the same time to see beneath the suffering.

We must stay present with the suffering, bringing the sweet salve of breath to the unthinkable. We can imagine the terror in Paris tonight. Because we can imagine that, we can feel it, and we do not have to add our fear to the situation. By the grace of the divine, let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me…. and you, and you, and you.