Candle or Mirror?

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."
~ Edith Wharton

This amazing photo and quotation by Edith Wharton was in today's weekly "Heart Quote" that I received from Byron Stock, a friend and colleague of mine. Reading about her on Wikipedia, I was amazed at all Edith Wharton accomplished in her life. She was born in 1862, and began writing as an adolescent, but apparently stopped writing in her late teens. After she was married, she began writing poetry and short stories. Her "nervous ailments" kept her from doing serious writing. After her health improved she began writing novels. I am curious what she had in mind when she wrote about being a candle or a mirror.

Although I resonate more with our capacities as multifaceted rather than either or, asking yourself this question about whether you are more likely to spread the light by "being" the light or by "reflecting" the light provides good self awareness of your usual emotional parking place. I guess we could also ask ourselves if we ever turn the light out or cover up the light, but that might be a future blog post.

Our emotional moods can be contagious, that is for sure. This is due to our mirror neurons—neurons that fire both when you do something and also when you see that same action being down by another. So that is why we can spread the light both by being the candle or by being the mirror that reflects it...

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, our emotions are recognized as being connected to specific meridians. Each is also observed to have ties to a specific element, organ (and sense organ), developmental stage, direction, fluid, tissue, climate, taste, color, season, and sound. If you are interested, you can find some pretty comprehensive information about all this by doing an internet search. I found a nifty chart on one website.

The reason I brought it up is because the sounds that are associated with emotions and meridians have been on my mind. I recall an exercise where you begin with the sound of "shouting" and you continue doing each sound for a couple of minutes before moving through all five, thus balancing your energy system.

The sequence of sounds is: shouting, laughing, singing, crying, and groaning.

I encourage you to give it a try and just see how much better you feel. After all, you have nothing to lose and you just might find this is good medicine! Now I am reminded of the words to a song: It is better to light just one little candle than to stumble in the dark.... If everyone said a prayer that the world would be free, what a beautiful dawn we would see... If everyone lit just one little candle, what a bight world this would be! 

You can hear the song at this link: Light One Candle and you may want to sing along for your "singing" step to balance your energy.

The Beauty of Broken Places

You may already be aware of the gifts that come into our lives through the doorway of the unexpected. Certainly our lives frequently provide us with ample opportunity to see the beauty in broken places. That happened for me again while traveling from Michigan to North Carolina. When leaving Michigan, I pushed "avoid tolls" on the GPS because the planned route was to go South on I-69 to Fort Wayne, Indiana,  then East from there before turning South, rather than the preferred route via 80-90 (toll road). 

At one point, following a stop for gas, "Gabby" (my nickname for the Garmin), got us out on some country roads, rather than putting us right back onto the highway. Winding around the countryside, she announced, "continue twenty-one miles..." Oh, my. That was not at all what we had expected, since we could see the highway from where we stopped at a McDonalds to give and receive some coffee!

I saw beautiful fields, interesting buildings, and living what I value, I began choosing to enjoy the process rather than fight the predicament. In fact, that soon became my inner theme for the trip! We got back onto the highway, and all once again proceeded according to plan. We arrived in Charleston, West Virginia, in plenty of time for lunch. 

Leaving Charleston, I had expected Gabby to send us South on 64/77 but we were routed onto State Road 60 instead. While that did not seem right to me as I was consulting the Road Atlas and the directions program on my iPhone, we forged onward. 

Before long we were twisting and turning and going up and down along what is loving called a Switchback, meaning a roller coaster-like road with lots of hairpin turns. There were not many opportunities for scenery because the trees were still in full foliage, but much of the time I was able to override the slightly headachy, slightly carsick feelings and enjoy the ride. I was glad I was not driving.

Sleuthing around in the GPS, I discovered that my wide ride was the result of programming I had put into play but was not conscious of the ramifications. I realized the reason we had been sent along this winding, twisting, turning, up-and-down road, was because I had been trying to avoid something I did not want to experience. How like life that is, right? 

My continued sense was that we were taking the long (maybe wrong) way. The punch line of this saga, is as my suspicion was mounting, I put in "Current Location to Durham, North Carolina," and my iPhone showed 3 hours and 47 minutes. A bit further down the road, I again checked "Current Location to Durham, North Carolina," and was given a time of over 4 hours.

Fortunately, our next stop was into a visitor's center that just happened to be right there!

The bad-news-good-news was that we had indeed gone about 150 miles out of our way, and taken about 3 hours, but just one more leg on less windy-twisty-uppity-downity brought us into Roanoke, Virginia, and to some very welcome and surprisingly inviting accommodations: lovely interactions, a welcome walk, a delicious meal, and much-needed, deep and restful, sleep. We were able to make it into Durham in plenty of time.  

While our time in North Carolina was not affected by mountain roads, the reflection of that experience, too, is worthy of sharing. Perhaps that will be the subject of another blog. For now, I will close with today's message (September 21, 2012) from Neale Donald Walsch: 

...that just when it looks like life is falling apart, it may

be falling together for the first time.

I have learned to trust the process of life, and not so 

much the outcome. Destinations have not nearly as

much value as journeys.

So maybe you should let things fall apart at this

juncture if that's what's happening. Don't hang on so

tenaciously. The nice thing about things falling apart is

that you can pick up only the pieces that you want...

Pretty in Pink

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to enjoy an organized bike ride with my daughter and my grandson's girlfriend. The plans and the execution (like all of life) provided me with ample opportunity to stay in the present moment and trust the process of life. Mother Nature even had a hand in bringing that lesson to heart, from the Stick Bug on the door of the car, to the wind and the rain showers. 

The route originated in Leiper’s Fork, Tennessee. The website sings a proud song—lose yourself in our little village. The size of the town could cause you to miss both the rich history and the current bliss. (See http://www.visitleipersfork.com/)     

    

4,000-year-old relics found in this area indicate that Leiper’s Fork not only served as an important hunting ground for prehistoric Native Americans; it was also their home. An area deeply rooted with Native American heritage, they have inhabited this area for thousands of years. Native Americans who later evolved into the tribes we know as the Cherokee, Chickasaw, Creek and Shawnee thrived in this area because of its abundant hunting, fertile soil and plentiful supply of fresh water.

We started watching the weather days prior and we were doing our best frog medicine to move the system on out so we could enjoy the ride. We delayed our start by a couple of hours, still hoping things would clear on out, but the closer we got to Leiper’s Fork, the more moisture those clouds were releasing. As we approached the start/finish location, we all agreed we were not excited about riding in the rain. Stacey (my daughter, who gifted Christina and me the day) broke into tears as she said, “I was so looking forward to sharing this day with the two of you.”

Stacey was feeling the disappointment for all of us. It is natural to feel disappointment when things don't go the way you had imagined. Christina and I admitted the rainy day was not in our vision either. Since we had driven the distance and Stacey had paid the money, we went in the school to check in and get our goodie bags. We admitted we were undecided about whether we were going to ride... 

We watched it rain and chatted about the weather with three women who had done the twelve-mile ride and had made it back already. One said, “They said it was supposed to clear by 10:00.” We asked, “What time is in now?” “Nine-fifty-five,” was the reply. Who would have expected that right at the stroke of ten, the rain stopped and we headed out. 

Wow, what a beautiful piece of country we rode through. Gorgeous homes, with magnificent rolling hills whose lawns were manicured with care. Wild turkeys kept their distance as hawk sang his kee-eeeee-arr. The grounds were dotted with grazing horses and donkeys, and we even saw a lama!

As I walked up yet another hill, a modest home off to my left was sporting a man sitting on his front porch. His words, "It's all downhill from here on..." were quite welcome. I am sure that most of us have at some time longed for that news. The downhill was steep enough we rode our brakes. Even so, Stacey clocked us at about 35 miles per hour!

When we got back to the start location, I was actually feeling sad the ride was so short. I suggested we have lunch and head back out to do it again. While we did not actually do that, Stacey and Christina are planning to go back and ride the longer route next weekend.

For me, the gift of the day was the time with people I love, doing an activity we enjoy, and out in such spectacular scenery. But as I think about it all now, I am aware of so much more meaning. I am thinking about women who have ridden the journey of  breast cancer. How relieved they must have been to feel better and begin to live a normal life again, even more relieved than I was to start downhill.

I was also thinking about Stacey's comments about the different atmosphere of a women-only ride. In her experience, there was a great deal more camaraderie and support. She said that it was a pleasant contrast to the competition she has experienced in previous organized rides. 

When each woman would cross the finish line, someone from somewhere would call out, "Good job!" It was exhilarating to be there celebrating the accomplishments of all the participants. 

I can still see faces of some of the other woman and in my mind's ear I can still hear the stories they told. "I had not been on a bike for thirty years." "My daughter wanted me to do this with her." "This is Tennessee, you are gonna have hills. You just get off and walk up when you need to."   

Thank you, Stacey, for being the remarkable woman you are. I am a very fortunate mother to have you for my daughter. And I am grateful my grandson, Brad, brought Christina into our lives. She is a fine young woman. When I think of the three of us, I see us pretty in pink. 

These are the very tender memories I have tucked into my heart...

Emotional Sobriety

Don't we help birth the world

each time

 we give someone confidence

 to build what they see with their heart?

Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

A couple of days ago I went to witness my niece, Jen, being sworn in as a chaplain for the Ann Arbor Police Department. Jen's brother, Chris, a police officer in Irving, Texas, near Dallas, was not able to make it to Michigan for the ceremony, so my sister, Janis, had the honor of pinning on Jen's badge. 

Jen giving  her badge to Janis.

I found the ceremony to be very touching, both because I love Jen and Janis, and because the  words shared by the Chief of Police and the head Chaplain spoke to me directly of my own calling. "This is not a job that will be recognized or given accolades, but know that we very much value what you do." "While I have been doing this ministry, I have grown more than in all the previous experience in my full time work as a pastor." 

While it remains to be seen what experiences Jen will have in her work as chaplain—her unique opportunities to serve and her unique challenges to face—these messages of truth resonate deeply in my core, and they describe the work I have been called to as author, teacher, healer, and minister.

We both live very busy lives, and do not often see one another with skin on, so the drive over to Ann Arbor was a delightful opportunity to spend time with Janis. Her husband, Larry, drove, and we arrived safely in good time, found parking, and (with the kind assistance of some local residents), we set off in search of lunch. What we found at Zingerman's Deli was more than just food, it was an experience!

Zingerman’s Delicatessen
422 Detroit St.
Ann Arbor, Michigan 48104

Upon our arrival, we were treated to a "tour" of both the Deli, and the Coffeehouse Next Door. The rule of the day was service with a genuine smile, and the instruction was nothing short of a miracle of manifestation: "Anything you see that you would like to taste, you can. Just ask for a sample!" 

After a couple of yummy samples of cheeses, we ordered our sandwiches, and settled at a picnic table outside the Coffeehouse, to enjoy our lunch and the cool breeze. I went into the Coffeehouse and returned with a plate of samples of four different desserts for us to enjoy. Zingerman's is definitely somewhere I would return to, if only in my heart and mind!

It is this precious idea of seeing with our hearts Mark Nepo  was writing about. He described how his grandmother would help instruct him in doing the things and living each day in a way that was building a welcome tomorrow.

"See it here," pointing to my forehead, and then she would take my little hands and say, "Now see it here." Then she would say, "And soon, it will be here." With this she would look around the room. (September 2)

When we were making plans to go to Ann Arbor for Jen's ceremony, we did not know Zingerman's Deli even existed.  I do  know that when we were setting the time to leave for Ann Arbor, I had the intention that we would arrive in time to find a place to enjoy some lunch before meeting Jen at 12:30. I did not know the two women coming across the parking lot just as we were getting out of the car would give us such a good suggestion. But while I did not need to know, everything is known. "I go before you to prepare a place for you...."

Jen is in my prayers as she begins this ministry. I know intimately how answering a call to a nontraditional ministry is not always easy. But I also know intimately that the blessings will be there for Jen's life, as they are for each of us as we say YES to the call of the divine in our lives. 

Blessings have been ever present, even when my being ordained an Interfaith Minister of Reunion had been misunderstood (and sometimes it was even judged or criticized, and had even been denied as being of God). 

Today, I saw this powerful quotation that encourages us each to live from a core of emotional strength as we have the confidence to build what we see in our hearts. It is from "Savoring Our Sobriety" Emotional Sobriety: The Next Frontier:

"If we are to find spiritual growth and serenity, we must dress our minds each morning as carefully as we dress our bodies. Only then can today become the glorious tomorrow we looked forward to yesterday."